In other words, victims of abuse may be waiting for that next “feel-good moment” in the relationship, keeping them trapped in a cycle of abuse and relief. While we aren’t technically addicted to dopamine or the other chemicals, our memory will remind us of the good feeling they create and we’ll seek out these experiences again. When something positive happens in the relationship, there is an increase in the feel-good chemical dopamine, as well as adrenaline and norepinephrine, two other chemicals that can make us feel excited by the prospect of loving feelings. Trauma bonding may also be a type of addiction-not to the bad parts of the relationship, but to the good. Says Hannah, “Some women actually defend their abuser, protecting him from others' criticisms she may do this out of fear or misplaced loyalty, or maybe even out of magical thinking, that if she is loyal and protective of him he will be the same way toward her.”Ī Dopamine Rush. In so doing, they feel protected by their perpetrator rather than hostile with them.” The victim gives into the source of violence and aligns with it. In its most basic sense, this is seen as surrendering to win. “Rather than place themselves in an escalating cycle of violence, consciously and unconsciously figure out ways to deescalate and resolve the conflict. Psychotherapist Paul Hokemeyer says Stockholm syndrome, or trauma bonding, are survival techniques. Hannah says trauma bonding has similar traits to Stockholm syndrome, a term originally created to describe how victims of kidnapping can begin to feel a connection to their captors over time. “He may have been her ‘first great love,’ making her reluctant to leave him, believing in his potential or his capacity to return back to the way he used to be." she feels dutiful and obligated to him and, in most cases, at least for a while, he has treated her well,” says Hannah. “Certainly not all, but especially in instances where a female survivor became bonded to her abuser in her youth. Hannah says trauma bonding can also occur when the victim feels a sense of obligation to the abuser. “She hopes that this time, as opposed to during her childhood, she will be loved and treated well.” “Many of these survivors were abused as children, often by their father, whom the abuser may remind her of on an unconscious level,” says Hannah. Children whose parents were abusive may grow up to find familiarity in a partner who is abusive, feeling a sense of normalcy being abused. There are a few suspected reasons why some survivors experience trauma bonding and others don’t.Ĭhildhood Abuse. Trauma bonding can happen for a variety of reasons but some experts, including Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D., chair and co-founder of the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, and professor of psychology at Siena College, believe it can have roots in childhood. The abusive partner constantly lets you down, but you believe them anyway.You find yourself defending the relationship if others criticize it.Your friends and/or family have advised you to leave the relationship, but you stay.You think you can change your abusive partner.You “focus on the good” in the person, despite behaviors you know are abuse.There are promises of things getting better in the future.You’d describe your relationship as intense and complex.You don’t know if you trust the other person, but you can’t leave.You feel stuck and powerless in the relationship but want to make the best of it.If you think you might be experiencing trauma bonding with an abusive partner, read through this list of signs and see how many sound familiar: “Many don’t even make the connection that they are, in fact, being abused.” “It can become a cycle of, if I’m loved, I’m abused it’s my fault and I need to please them,” says Juliano. It brings with it not only feelings of sympathy, compassion and love, but also confusion, licensed mental health counselor Stefanie Juliano, LPCC told. Trauma bonding is a type of attachment that one can feel toward someone who’s causing them trauma.
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